Don’t Buy the Lie #3 – If I Had a Better Spouse, I Would Be Happy

If you have been married for any length of time, it’s likely that this thought has crossed your mind – “if I had a better spouse, I would be happy.”

Since Adam and Eve, the blame game has existed in humans, it’s easy to attribute our happiness or unhappiness in our marriage to our spouse. The fact is that happiness has more to do with you than your spouse. No one can make you happy or unhappy. You are in control of your response to your spouse. The secret to a happy marriage really starts with God and where you get your values, your sense of security and purpose from.

To this end, Zig Ziglar writes in his book Courtship After Marriage:

“I have no way of knowing whether or not (you) married the wrong person, but I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make that marriage happy and successful. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s possible that you did marry the wrong person. However, if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you
could well end up having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you marry the right person, and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you.”

If you are married, in God’s eyes, you are married to the right person.There are things, about your spouse, contributing to your state of unhappiness, which your spouse may or may not change. You will need to become the right kind of person, by changing the way you look at them.

Are you being the right kind of person for your spouse?

Philippians 4: 11-13
I am not saying this because
I am in need, for I have learned to be
content whatever the circumstances.
I know what it is to be in need,
and I know what it is to have plenty.
I have learned the secret of being content
in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty
or in want. I can do everything
through him who gives me strength.

30 lies the enemy uses against you. Don’t Buy the Lie 30 day Devotional – for sale on paperback – Order Here – $7.00

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Don’t Buy the Lie #2 – We Can Work on Our Marriage When the Children are Grown

I have heard it said that at the end of life most people do not wish they had stayed at work longer or made more money. Of course there are different regrets that all of us may take to our grave and I’ll bet you that all of them have to do with relationships.

The question is – what message do you want your spouse and children to write on your tombstone or speak at your funeral? Have you faithfully loved God, your spouse and your children unconditionally, or are you ignoring the things that matter most for things that matter least?

The truth is relationships are hard and the marriage relationship is especially hard. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:28, “But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.”

Waiting to work on the marriage until the kids are grown is risky, and if we choose that path, we sin against God’s plan for marriage and family. Marriage is meant to bring glory to God and to raise godly children. We can’t do this if we are not modeling God’s word during the marriage. Failure to model God’s plan for marriage while our children are in our home, will also set our children up for possible disappointment or failure in their own marriage because they are likely to do what we have done.

“Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least.” Goethe.

What are you making more important than your marriage and family?

Matthew 6:33 – But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all of these things shall be given to you as well.

Don’t Buy the Lie 30 day Devotional – 30 lies the enemy uses against you. For sale on paperback – Order Here – $7.00

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Don’t Buy the Lie #1 – I Know Everything I Need to Know About Marriage

Many years ago, at a very painful time in my life, I cried out to God, “How did I ever get into this situation? I can’t believe I am in this situation. I am a Christian!”
God was honest with me. I heard Hosea 4:6 loud and clear: “My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.” I was destroyed by a lack of knowledge of the word of God. I did not know how to apply His word to my circumstances. I was defeated and guilty of the lack.

When we suffer from a lack of knowledge of God’s word in our lives, and particularly in our marriage, it is not just us who suffer. Our families suffer, our soul suffers, our communities suffer, and our bodies and emotions suffer. The level of contentment, happiness, and intimacy in marriage are all related to our relationship with Jesus Christ, the incarnation of God’s word. There is NO WAY around it. Marriage was ordained, was designed, and is sustained by God. The world does not know this and many Christians do not believe it. It requires belief, faith, change, soul searching, understanding, action, and prayer.

How about you? Do you have a lack of knowledge of God’s word? God is waiting to teach you. Knowing God and His word are not crisis activities in your life or in your marriage! You don’t have to wait until you run out of yourself and your own problem-solving capabilities. You can have a rich relationship with God if you decide to know Him and ‘believe’ His word. It is a privilege to know God. Think of someone in your life whom it is a privilege to know. Why is it a privilege to know him or her? Perhaps the person is a solid or safe person in your life or they bless you in some way and tell you the truth. Perhaps you trust and believe in them? It’s the same with God. God also has those characteristics and more!

In the opening of his book, The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren writes, “It’s not about you. The purpose of your life is far greater than your own personal fulfillment, your peace of mind, or even your happiness. It’s far greater than your family, your career, or even your wildest dreams and ambitions. If you want to know why you were placed on this planet, you must begin with God. You were born by His purpose and for His purpose.”

We lack much because we think life is about us. We suffer in marriage because we think marriage is about us, too. Ouch! In order to lose your membership in the lacker club, you have to make a decision to know God, accept His Son Jesus Christ and believe His word. His word is the power source that removes our self-sufficiency and fulfills our purpose.
Many marriages survive without Christ but don’t reach their potential or have peace, safety, or meaning. It is impossible to fully love a fallible, fickle human being unconditionally without Christ in our lives, especially in today’s throwaway society.To remedy this, we must invite Jesus Christ into our hearts and marriage by admitting in our heart, mind, and soul that we are sinning against His plan and that we need Him. That’s it – he’s there! He will reveal himself to you and help you, your marriage, and family have a faith vision that will take you far beyond what you can dream in your mind or fulfill by yourself.

You will need to seek godly people who love you and can disciple you in your situation. Seek prayer partners. Find ways to study the Bible and know God personally. God’s word is accessible everywhere; it is on iPhone, iPad, iPod, radio, TV, DVD, the internet – any media that you can think of. It is easy these days to spend fifteen minutes with God. He will grow you, He will help you, and He will teach you to love the way He loves.

In this we have our greatest potential as a person, as a spouse in a marriage or as a parent with a family. You will never regret soul-searching and applying God’s word to your life and marriage. If you fail to do these things, however, at some point you will regret not doing so.

Do you need to invite Jesus Christ into your heart and marriage? What is your next step?

Don’t Buy the Lie 30 day Devotional – 30 lies the enemy uses against you. For sale on paperback – Order Here – $7.00

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The Power of Words

I have been reading a book by Joyce Meyer, ‘Change Your Words, Change Your Life: Understanding the Power of Every Word You Speak’ and thinking how significant and important words are in a marriage. Think about it for a minute, we have the power to lift each other up or tear each other down with our words and either one can happen in a moment!

Words were so important to God that he made them flesh in the form of Jesus Christ – John 1:14. God has provided us with a whole Bible full of words, His words. Life changing words.

We have an opportunity every day to lift each other up, speak in a respectful tone and let your spouse know how much you care. We have the power to affect each other for the good with our words. To speak life into our marriage daily.

There is an ‘oldie but goodie’ song titled ‘If’ by a group called Bread. The opening lines of the song are ‘if a picture paints a thousand words, why can’t I paint you, the world will never know the you I come to know’.

You can listen to it here – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-22LPgdXhw

Why not take a few moments and picture your spouse in your mind, what words would you use to describe them in a positive way? Why not tell them how you picture them.

Words do make a difference in marriage. Speak life into your marriage everyday!

Website – http://roadtoahappymarriage.com/
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